


What It Means to Me

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [31]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brain Damage, Dancing and Singing, Emotions, Friendship, Gen, House Cleaning, Male-Female Friendship, Music, My headcanon is a kinder universe than the MCU, Respect Is a Need, Team Bonding, Team Fluff, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 06:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20059888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: Bucky struggles to identify certain expressions and emotions.





	What It Means to Me

**Author's Note:**

> This poem is spillover from the July 16, 2019 Poetry Fishbowl. It is the second freebie thanks to new prompter Lilliane and two Anonymous prompters. It also fills the "Winter Soldier" square in [my 7-1-19 card](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/11930133.html) for the Winterfest in July Bingo. This poem belongs to the series [Love Is For Children](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9744636.html).

The future is confusing and unfamiliar.

There is so much that Bucky has forgotten,  
so much that has changed beyond recognition.

There are things he used to have that he  
hasn't had in so long that now he doesn't  
even know them when he sees them,  
can't recall what they used to mean.

He tries to hide it. Of course he does.

Steve makes the worried face  
whenever Bucky can't remember.

So Bucky gives vague replies  
and tries to spackle over  
the gaping holes in his mind.

There's another look, though,  
that isn't pity or regret, and  
Bucky can't pin it down.

He sees it in the strangest places,  
not just the physical therapy room  
or the gym when he's pushing hard,  
but sometimes in the common room too,  
or even from total strangers on the street.

People look at him, give him a little nod and  
a smile, then go back to what they were doing.

It's strange, and Bucky doesn't understand it.  
He doesn't know why people are looking at him  
like this, what he's done to deserve it.

He doesn't know why it gives him  
a funny flutter in his stomach, and  
he's not sure if he likes it or not.

But it's there. It's there, and he  
keeps seeing it everywhere.

Bucky doesn't understand it  
until he walks in on Betty with  
her hair up in a do-rag, dancing  
across the wet kitchen floor and  
singing to the mop as she cleans,  
while JARVIS croons the backup.

The words take his breath away.

_R-E-S-P-E-C-T_  
Find out what it means to me  
R-E-S-P-E-C-T  
Take care, TCB 

Bucky clutches the door  
with his flesh hand so that he  
doesn't fall over or break anything.

Oh. _Oh_. So _that's_ what it is!  
That's the look he's been  
seeing on people's faces.

It's respect.

He hasn't seen it  
in so long that he'd  
forgotten what it  
even looked like,  
what it meant to him.

Forgotten that  
people need it like  
they need air or water.

Forgotten that it feels like  
sunshine and Steve's smile,  
warm and complete.

Betty doesn't coddle him.

Betty grins and tosses him  
another mop and says, "Come on,  
soldier, show me what you got!"

Bucky catches the mop.  
He sucks in a deep breath  
of something as needful as air.

He learns that he still remembers  
how to dance, how to mop a floor ...

how to learn a new tune.

**Author's Note:**

> [Alexithymia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia) is difficulty identifying emotions in self and/or others. [Emotional agnosia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social-emotional_agnosia) is difficulty interpreting body language, voice tone, and other clues to derive information about feelings. These limitations make social life much more challenging. Many people with [traumatic brain injury](https://mayfieldclinic.com/pe-tbi.htm), or other neurological problems, [suffer from some such impairment](https://blogs.plos.org/scicomm/2018/07/31/finding-lost-emotions-after-brain-injury/). Learn how to cope with [fogged emotions](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/emotional-unawarness-dealing-alexithymia-archana-murthy) and [post-TBI issues](https://m.wikihow.com/Cope-With-a-Brain-Injury).
> 
> [Respect is a need](http://jadelee.org/spiritual/reviving-culture-honor-millennial-generation/). Here are some [ways to show respect](https://www.wikihow.com/Show-Respect).
> 
> "[Respect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respect_\(song\))" is a song Otis Redding, but the version most people know came from Aretha Franklin. 
> 
> [ _R-E-S-P-E-C-T_ ](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/arethafranklin/respect.html)  
__  
Find out what it means to me  
R-E-S-P-E-C-T  
Take care, TCB


End file.
